Do you want to be my friend?

I'm the nobody in nowhere

I think, I've already told you a lot about the broken friendship with my so called 'best friends'. If not and you are interested in click here and there. It's my point of view a few months ago. To be warned, these posts are a little bit sad.

Time gone and these girls and I haven't spoken since this argument, when we can call this situation like that. I don't know what it really was. Once best friends and today we are strangers. No noice, no smile, nothing. I haven't detected what I've done wrong but I've accepted it. Nevertheless my heart gets a twinge whenever they ignore me. I'm not that person which wants a lot of friends and come out with everybody, but my tuppence worth is that no matter what happen between once friends, a little smile is a sympol for respect. Every morning, whenever I see them, I smile to them. The same issue daily, they don't see it because I'm out of glass.

However, I've strenghten a lot of friendships and also found a few fantastic new friends. I write this post, because I want to ask you to be my friend.

I have been aloof. Yeah, and I'm asking myself why I am so. The answer is that I'm afraid to be hurt by someone. When you are aloof nobody can hurt you. The happenings showed me that you always can be hurt by someone also by your best friends. Than I remember the story behind a great friendship in my life.

A few years ago, I was member at a internet plattform, where you shared photos. Aught kind of Instagram, but it wasn't this plattform. There a boy wanted to open a group at a messenger where everybody have nick names. I figured it can't hurt to try. Maybe we were around seven people and nobody knows each other. Quite funny, everybody have lived in another part of Germany, anyday I wrote with a girl out of this group private. We have written every day messages and voice notices until today. Ok, not every day but at the minimum three times a week. She is a great and fantastic friend. I don't have contact with any other group member. Last summer we met us and thanked this boy. Without him we wouldn't know each other.


Therfore I want get to know my readers and any other which want to be friends with me. Let's go, I'm courious to learn more about every one.
I would like to create a group on GroupMe, where everybody can join. You only have to write me an E-Mail and I'll send you the Grouplink. When you don't want to be a part of this group, you also can write me, if you want.

Now, you can start writing an E-Mail!

I'm willing to make new friends out of you strangers. 

Life have to go on...

Today I had a conversation with in my eyes best friends, I've already told you in the last post. It's important to know the stroy behind, so please read at frist my last post.

This conversation wasn't that positive for me. Let me tell you.

At frist they told me, that I've said something, which I can't remember anymore.

Furthermore, I can't believe that I've said that in the past. And so on, this is typical Girls stuff.

The second Thing is quite a bit more interesting. I'm not the Party human. When I go to parties, I like to spent time with my friends and have a nice evening. Their Point is that they want to celebrate.

I accept that but don't understand what's wrong with my view.

There a lot of Points we spoke about but yeah, I don't want to list them all. All These Things they haven't said me, because they tought that that would break me. The Thing is, that they are These People they want to clarify Problems as soon as possible but were afraid of breaking me. So that I'll lose my Little self considence.

Now we'll have distance. I don't know how long.

It's sad, that we haven't fight for this friendship.

I want to give them the time, and hope that we'll find a way back to this friendship.

At the Moment I haven't the power to write more and think positive. We will see how life goes on and try to be open for new Humans that walk through my life.

I hope the next Posts won't be so depressing.

be open for new and discover new friendships, like this plane

I'm alone!

A few days ago, I've got a message form my best friend. This one said the following because I translated it in English:

Hey Lea,

We have to talk urgent. Like now, we can't go on....in the last month something changed and we developed us into different directions. At myy Point of view I have to say I don't have the Feeling that we match good. I don't know how you see this or if you recodnized any changeing. If you want we can talk personally, but I Need distance to our friendship and to you. Don't take it so much to heart. Sometimes that is life, People develope into different directions. I'm sorry.

This Person is mybest friend! That isn't all, I know her since I'm a Baby. Later she said, we have to talk with the other ones, too and together. The Thing is, that they ignore me since the Weekend like we don't know each other. This Feeling is sooo amazing(not). They'll ignore me until the time we will have talked, but there is a big Problem: They don't have time! I know my best friends won't read this post (they don't know about this Little place in the Internet) nevertheless it's a message for them.

You know, I don't like to talk about my Feelings, just it have been already time for it. I didn't tack to you so that you have to tack me because I thought: It will be allright. I'm really sorry, I don't know when we will talk about it respectivily if there is anything else. One Thing is certain, I'm afraid of loose you all as my best friends only I didn't talked about Things they have been important. I understand when you Need distance to me, nevertheless it is difficult to cope with that for the following weeks and so on. I don't know which behaviour to you, if you don't want any contact at this 'break' or not. Simple and easy I don't know anything.

I know I have changed at the last month and not into positive, the opposite. You said our friendship has changed, and that won't match. I've Feeling alone in the last month, I'll try to explain it.

First you all found fast friends at your new Schools for me that wasn't so easy. I like many of my classmates and get along well but it takes times until I open myself to new humans and I'll tell them my friends. Honestly I can say now, that I've found humans in my class which I'll say friends to them in the near future. I'm not jealous, rather I'm dissatified with myself. I though you haven't Need me anymore. With the time we have done more and more less together, since you did rather something with your new friends, I knew that. Instead of asking you if we could do something together, I have waited until you did it. It's Coward of me, but you often hadn't time because you said that you would done something with this friend or this one.

You have told me less, also if it were Little Things that would collect by time. I have had the Feeling you don't trust me anymore altough it's ok for me when you haven't talk everytime to me, your trust get more less and less in me. I'm not up to date in anything out of our lives, because you haven't had talked to me. I wanted to talk to you but you haven't been interested in with no listening. That were the Moments where I decided for me to withdraw and wait for better days until my own Frustration will be gone. Now, I'm sitting here with a hankie and with unbeliveably fear loosing you. I'm alone without best friends.

THE TRY: Understand ingredients

After two or three weeks I finally publish a post. The reason is that I have at the moment a time where I want to do things but can't do them, anything discourage me. When I come home, the first and last thing for this day is lying in bed and read a book. Homework, my blog and so on nothing I couldn't have do. It sounds really strange. Ok, I won't bore you with my silly reasons for not posting anything. Let's start with this post.

My nivea cream

Maybe you are a person who asked the same question like me, what the hell are these ingredients from the cosmetic products. There stand complicated words nobody will understand them without any chemistry knowledge. I have chemistry since two years but the only thing I've understand before my researches is Aqua. In Addition to that I've started my researches about These complicated names on the bottom of my Nivea cream. It was a surprise for me what effect the ingredients have. If you are interested, should read the following text. This is a German nivea cream but I think nivea have taken the international names for the ingredients.

Aqua:

As I said,I've knewn before the research. It's water. How spectacules.

Paraffinum Liquidum:

This one is a byproduct of petroleum production. In Addition to that it's an oil. I've learned in Chemistry that oil is a hydrocarbon with the typical characteristics of fat-loving and water hostile.

Furthermore it's antistatic and make your skin smooth and soft. Another effekt is that this substance protect your Skin however it also can clog your pores.

Cera Microcristallina:

It's also a hydrocarbon, but in another form than before. It is about a mineral wax named Ester ( in Germany). The Task for it is to bind the ingredients and dull the cream.

Glycerin:

It's also a substance I've learned in Chemistry thought I haven't known what it search in a cream. Glycerin has a simular effekt like the ingredients listed above. Furthermore is can dry out your skin.

Lancolin Alcohol: is a emulsifier for water and oil.

Phanthenol:

The effect for the Skin of panthenol is smothing, regenerative, protecting, elastic and promotional for cell neoplasm.

Magnesiumsulfate:

One question I asked myself when I'Ve read it is why they industry done in their creams a substance that make the hair easy to comb. It makes more sence in conditioner or Shampoo but not in a facial cream. Magnesiumsulfate spreads easily the cream in your face.

Decyloleate:

Is a substance that care your skin and supple it.

Octyldecanol:

The effect is also suppleness. Furthermore Octyldecanol is a solvent and parfum the cream.

Aluminium Sterate:

The Name says it it is a Aluminium compound which is water solube. These ingredient prevents sticking together, make durable the cream and it's a dye stuff for the cream.

One thing we should know about Aluminium in cosmetic products and in gerneral is that it could damage the nerves, you can get Skin irritations and can clog your pores.

Some studies says also that Aluminium could be carcinogenic. For this reason we should be careful with it.

Citricacid:

Let the cream looking good, because of the metal ion binding. Citricacid inhibit the smell of the cream and stabilized the ph value.

Magnesuim Sterate:

This Sterate also prevents sticking together of the whole cream. Furthermore it increases the water of the Skin and dye the cream.

Limonene:

Limonene it is like a parfum, inhabits the smell of the cream and cover these smell with another.

Geraniol:

You may also take it as Aroma for backing. Makeing a pleasant skin Feeling and parfum ther cream is the mainly effect of Geraniol.

Hydroxcitronneal:

It's a parfum that have the smell of flowers.

Linalool:

Linalool have a slightly effect like Deodorant for the user of the cream. Deo for the face? Strange Things exist.

Citronellol:

It's also a parfum.

Benzyl Benzoate:

It's a solvent with the side effect of cleaning the Skin from bacteria and parfum the Skin.

Cinnamyl alcohol:

Another really strange thing about the ingredients is this substance. It improve the taste of the cream.

The question is who eat a facial cream that it have to tast good? Have anybody of you at the other side of the world behinde the sceen done it? I doubt that but if yes, thell me if a cream taste good.

Parfum:

Ok, everybody know parfum.

This research have shown to me that the ingredients are an really important thing of the cosmetic industry. I mean in this Little one are a lot of things in that we don't need in creams. I buy a cream since I think it's good for my dry skin and there is a Need for. The ingredients Show to me that the mainly cream component is alcohol and any type of parfum. I'm disappointed because creams aren't as good as for the skin, I thought before the research. What do you think about this Little ingredients secret?

THE TRY: How long can I stand without my phone?

That isn't voluntary. A few days ago my phone came to the period it is doing what it wants. I couldn't do anything anymore. That Feeling is really upset when you know save Money is a big Point in your life and you have no buget for a new one.
Now my Smartphone is in repairs, but that could take three weeks! The good message is that my phone is shortly before warranty has expired, so when I have luck, I haven't to pay anything.

Three weeks without phone, WhatsApp, Instagram, my library ebooks, Spotify on road! Death is near, hopefully not.
The worst Thing until know is I don't know what time is it. The last few days, I had no Alarm clock or watch. Everytime I had to ask someone else for the time, because my personal time assesment is bad. No matter if it passes five minutes or half an hour, in my mind it should be always another time than that maybe one hour or so.

Now at the Moment I miss my phone and only three days bygone. I'm not allowed to take my old one, because it's also no longer awakesns. Does anyone have the same Problem? Whenever you Need something that won't work.

It's strange that you don't take your phone everywhere. I search it all the time, because I think I forgot it. My left pocket is so empty without it and what I have now for looking which time is it? My old Alarm clock always come with me that I will know the time. These black oblong, my
accompanist for the time without Smartphone.

The question that would be asked is: Is a smartphone really so necessary, that we can't live without it? Confessedly I think that a Smartphone is important in our lives, because we can do a lot of  different Things on it. Especially in my Generation and the following  has difficulty to put aside the phone for a while. We want to be well informed with the News from our friends and the whole world on road, manage Things by the way at way to School or waiting time. It's awkward ant takes time to wait until home for phone with the People or reading the newspaper. A Generation that does a lot of Things at once. I miss that. Waiting time is boring without Special applications on the phone and when a friend takes the same Train I can't give modest where I'm sitting in it. The Feeling you aren't well informed about the world get bigger every day by day.

I'm sure that a lot of humans are wondering what is happened to me. Nevertheless nothing happened to me, only my phone is in repairs.

I'll take here a photo in the near future, because they were all on my phone. So I'll have to search.

The TRY: Fight against GREASY hair

My hair

The dream of every Girl is to have everyday hair like the gril with the Dress in the Picture. In real the hair is looking like in the first picture. In some days better than in other. We always wake up in the morning and think one more time. OMG my hair is Standing in every Destination like I've touched in the power Point.

Some People says that I've luck with my hair. You can see in the picture, that my hair is really fine and so it gets greasy faster than other hair types. I have my hairstyle around fifteen centimeters longer than my shoulder. Every second day I've greasy hair because I don't wash my hair every single day. That need time, I haven't.

This hair is the dream of every Girl.

Another aspect I only wash my hair three times a week is that my hair breaks by a daily hairwash. How often do you take a hair wash?

Often it could be really hard when you know that your hair is greasy. I have so often a big Bad Hair day, and than you try to hide and want that all the tips against greasy hair works but in the most time they don't work with your hair. Greasy hair isn't pretty and the Feeling is horrible. However I have to admit that I have often greasy hair, also when I wish not.

So much Things I've tried in my lifetime against this Problem. Which works and which not so good have to find out everybody by herself.(Boys it is seldom that you have this Problem) Here are a few Options I've tried out and the experience I have had.

One thing that works by slightly greasy hair is to make a ponytail with help of the brush and Bobby Pins. Perfect your ponytail so Long until you think it Looks ok. Although the Problem is that could need a lot of time in front of the mirror. It also works with the bun and tiny Little linkages.

A Long time I've taken my shower always warm. Since last month I wash my hair with middle temerature and the greasy is better now.

My Baby powder

Dry Shampoo can be found in every Drogerie. We have a wide range of them and they work. Nevertheless have they two negative aspects. The first one is I use them around five times and than they are empty. Everytime when you need them they are empty, because the five times already happend. Furthermore the Price Performance in my eyes is expensive when you need them often.

A good alternative for me is. Baby Powder. I've paid around two euros and have it for one and a half year. It is really cheap. My experience Shows me that it has a simular effect to my hair like the dry Shampoo, because that works also with Little poweder. You can use theoretical every powder also flour that you use for baking whatever you want. In normal every powder works simular, but there are also differences. The best in my opinion for me is this Baby powder in the picture.

I know that I won't have hair like the Girl one day but after the tries for years I know now what helps my hair with greasy and what not so. Sometimes I Combine the powder and the ponytail because Supplement themselves.

                

                                                                                                               

Today's Word-Nerd Pondering Writing Chain

This is a competition is founded by Kate Gold. In different months there are several themes you can write about. This month the theme is copied by her describtion of the Today's Word-Nerd Pondering Writing Chain.
This prompt centers around the theme of valuable lessons, especially that we have taken away from books. You might answer:
What is the coolest thing you have taken away from a book you have read? What sorts of things have your characters learned, as embedded in a story you have written? Or, what sort of message do you want to share with others, either in writing or through your own life?


The message I share with you is really personal but I hope I do this is not so bad as I think.



It isn't easy for me to talk about that theme, may that's the reason I though about it the last few days and only now I have the Courage to say it. I'll tell you a history from a Little Girl. Stay on.

Let me start. It's a thin girl in the elementary school. For children in the age 8 it's no uncommon that they get sick one day. At this day the little girl is ill, so her mother go with her to the family doctor. Her normal family doctor wasn't in the doctor office but a representation doctor. He looked at the girl and accused her mother that her child has anorexia (pro ana). I think you know the differences between doctors and this man was a knind of highly respected doctor. He wanted to set all levers in motion that this little girl commited in a clinic and that they would be forced feeds. The mother didn't agree with him and they had a big argue about that Little Girl. In the End the mother won the argue and brung the Little Girl at home.

I'm the little Girl. I'm not a ANA, I promise you. It's this prejudice about me. The People have it until now. It's like with the doctor, he didn't know me but said it. If he knew me he wouldn't say that because I'm thin my whole life along.

Sometimes I think I'm the only Girl who think she's to thin. I don't want to say my weight because it's private and not normal. I'm underweight but that's all I'll say. In case you have read up here I'll tell tell you far.

This doctor haven't been the only one who think so about me. All this prejudices. If you are thin (and this is my serious) you'll be stamped to have 'pro ana'. Nobody accept it only be thin without haveing diets or may be an ana. Of course we have to talk about that disease, no deal. I searched on the Internet. It's scary. You find so much about it and a lot of isn't any more on Wikipedia and sites where you fight agains anorexia. The Internet include a great number of Blogs about being an ana. The most are Girls at my Age or older and they tell you about the 'ana life'. The most of them are pride to be one.

 I don't know, I can't understand that. Ok, may I have not that weight Problems but nobody can be perfect and in following my describtion about to be perfect. May you understand what I mean with that Little sentence.


The perfection lies in the fact, not being perfect.


That is the Story, but it isn't the only reason why I tell you all These things today. My sister is doing something like a diet at the moment. It's hard for me, because she's so pretty and have a dream figure, maybe also a little bit to thin but not like me. Her age is really difficult, in the school I've heard of previous groups that they say to each other you are to fat. I'm so glad that I'm visit another school and in my class are twenty six boys. That's really cool.

Sorry, at this theme I'm like a Boy since ever. Hey, Boys if anyone of you read that answer me that question please. Which Girl you prefer? 1. A Girl that eat normal and don't look at calories or 2. a thin Girl who wants to be thinner and which life is a diet. I think the 1. but I'm curious.

Sometimes I think I'm the reason why People do this. I know, that sounds really hard but nobody would say that in the real life I think. You know I eat everything and love chocolate at all. No day without chocolate. It's my love. I can eat everything without looking at calories and eat so much I like. Sometimes it's strange when I go out with friends for eating somewhere. I'm mad because I eat and the other Person i don't know first look for calories and that the diet shedule received. Oh god, I hate it, when I eat but the other one not.

I think, It's the end for this post because about this theme I could write an essay an I won't bore you with that stuff. Sorry, may I have regular Readers (if I have some ? ) the beginning was cliched. It was firmly this post may it was not that 'fighting against' pro ana but to i would Show you my view. Thanks for the possibility to do that.

Ok, I also want to give to all to them an offer they read that to contact me or only talk with me. What is your view? Of course here a big welcome for comments but I will get in time an extra E-Mail, where you can write to me. May I'm not the best help as you can see but I want to give all of you the offer to say something for that big theme.

I'm not pro ana! For all they may don't understand it until now.

It doesn't matter if I've written anything else that I should, but I wanted to say you this message and think about my little text a little bit.

The TRY to be cool

I think everyone know that you want to be cool. The same here by me. I'm not cool, because of whenever I meet new humans I may like or I don't know them really good, I want to be cool. On grounds that I want that they like me, too. That's the Problem everytime I have the wish that I am cool, I'm surely not cool. No matter always the same, it's like my Body is programmed intentionally do distressing Things. Really I wish me at this time that the ground would be open with a big hole and I go in it. I promise you I'm not a Drama queen but please bann me in the rainforest. The Thing is so embrassing and distressing, that I don't want to talk about it.

Here this text is writeing a Loser. I am one beause I'm craven. My Body was doing something against my mind and I'm to craven to tell it while I was hopeing nobody had seen it or will recodnice it. Why always the same this Things happen to me by humans I like and won't be a loser in their presence?Makes that sence? I mean by persons it doesn't matter myself nothing like that happens.

You know, I'm craven. Therfore I want to excuse me with that post by you. I don't know what I have to do. I'm to craven to say it to you eye by eye. Here I know the Chance that you read it is not high. It doesn't make sence to excuse me here but I don't see other Options because of my craveness.

I'm so sorry that I've done it. However it was suddenly there and it couldn't stop. Now I'm thinking the whole time if I had.... . It happened, I wished I could turn the time back but I can't. I hope so there aren't any spots. Please take my excuse.

The try to be cool went into the pants, in literally. Don't know how often I've said this but it's so distressing.